msmasterdater.com

Whats wrong with my radar?

Danny was a few years younger than me, but his profile was well written and he came off as wiser than the other guys his age.  He contacted me through Yahoo and suggested we meet for a day at the beach.  Danny’s profile photos were attractive, but I wasn’t expecting him to be as hot as he was in person.  Oh my God!!!  He had the chiseled features of a sexy Scandinavian god and the ripped body of an Olympian.  I was instantly drooling when he walked up to my beach towel, shirtless in surf trunks.  I could barely focus on what he was saying to me, so distracted was I by his good looks.  But I regained my composure and began to join in the conversation.  We spoke about simple things, who we knew around town, different hikes we liked, favorite beach spots.  I noticed that Danny never quite looked me in the eye when we spoke.  He seemed a little shy or perhaps nervous.  So I tried to make him feel more comfortable, making small jokes and giving him flirty signals.  Nothing seemed to be working.  I tried to move a little closer to him, but he countered that by casually backing away.  At that point, I realized that Danny just wasn’t interest in me.  That’s OK, you cant win them all.  So after about 90 minutes of chatting, I let him know I needed to get going.  We hugged and parted ways.  Within 15 minutes of leaving, Danny sent me a text message saying, “It was so hard for me to sit there with you looking so hot in your bikini.  All I wanted to do was lean over and kiss you”.   What the heck???  I didn’t get a hint of anything remotely close to what his text said.   Was I totally misreading his signals?  It seemed so obvious that he wasn’t into me.  I was happy to get his text, but still quite confused.  He texted me numerous times over the next few days, always about how much he thought about me, liked me, wanted me.   Very provocative stuff!   So we agreed to meet again at a street faire.  When we met, he gave me a friendly hug and then did exactly what he had done before.  No eye contact.  No body contact.  Superficial chit-chat.  At one point, we ran into one of his friends.  His friend mentioned that he had seen Danny’s ex-girlfriend that morning.  Danny proceeded to open up about his feelings toward his ex, that he was still in love with her and missed her tremendously.   Well no wonder he wasn’t making the moves on me.  His heart was still taken.  As soon as his friend left, I told Danny it was time for me to go.  He didn’t object.  I left feeling clear about Danny’s intentions.  And then 15 minutes later, he sends me a text saying that the whole time today he was picturing me naked, wanting to put his hands all over my body and kiss every inch of me.  I stared at the text message for a few minutes, wondering what to make of it.  Nothing.  I simply deleted it.  And the other ones that came after.  I realized that he was just a screwed up guy with left over issues from his last relationship.  I really wanted to send him an email explaining the bizarre conflicting messages that he was sending, so he would not make the same mistake on the next girl he meets.  But I don’t think he needs advice from me. And I don’t need a project like him.  So that was the end of that.  Kiki

I just had to share this hilarious online dating story with you.  Pinky Bynum from www.realclaytonplace.com shared her story about her online dating experience.  I almost died laughing when I read her story.  You will too!

While the helicopters were searching for the fugitive on Jekyll Island at 1:00 a.m., I couldn’t sleep.  I was on my family vacation and a real fugitive was on the loose and had run through our complex earlier that evening so there was a huge search on.

Since I was up, I decided to experiment with online dating services.  I mean it can’t hurt can it?  Everyone seems to be doing it and having good luck.  I also thought this would be a good way to promote the blog that my friend and I have up and running.  Great way to get new fans I thought.

I posted my ad heading it up, “Looking for a Fun Partner, Not a Project”.  I thought I would use this catchy little phrase I learned from my life coach a year ago.  Sounded pretty intelligent and self-explanatory?  WRONG!
I went on to describe my personality and I was very truthful, I did not embellish a thing.

Within nanno seconds of posting my information (and without a picture I might add) I had so many hits I couldn’t open the e-mails fast enough.  It was comparable to barracudas in a feeding frenzy and I was the damn meal!

“Wow, this is going to be great!”, I thought.  Then  I started reading my hits.

The first one, for real, called himself “Buck Fever”.  He responded to my ad about my liking to ride motorcycles.  He asked, “do you have a Harley that I can ride YOU on?” DELETE.

The next response was from a dude named “Thomas” who I presume was trying to flatter me with the comment, “Damn woman, just reading your ad wore me out!”  Already being bossy and obnoxious! DELETE.

The next fella was I am sure a nice guy, just not for me.  He said, “I look younger than my 45 years because I don’t drink (forget it) or do drugs and I am a Christian and I looove my Jesus, not just looking for sex.”  I love Jesus too, but let’s keep him out of the internet dating cirlces, shall we?  DELETE.

Now we come to “David”.  This was an absolute mind boggler!  I responded to his inquiry because he said he lived in Arizona and I love to visit there so I innocently asked, “where in Arizona do you live?”  Well hell, I don’t know exactly what he read between the lines of my inquiry because he fell instantly in love with me!  He responded with, “I have been thinking of you since yesterday.  I think the love that I am feeling for you is highly intoxicating.”  Excuse me?  I asked him where in Arizona he lived?  I don’t get lines like that from most men in long term relationships!

Then he responded the next day because I did not respond to him with, “don’t know if you got my first message, but my emotion is not yet balanced (neither is he) I still want you to know how much I care about you and wouldn’t want anything to come between us.”  DELETE, DELETE, DELETE WITH A RESTRAINING ORDER!

To top it all off, I get one response that I got excited about and actually conversed through e-mails with this guy.  He sounded normal and we had so many things in common.  He lived within a 35 mile radius from me and I was looking forward to possibly meeting him.  The third e-mail was the nail in his coffin, literally.  He said, “I don’t want to turn you off, but I am married.  My wife doesn’t like to do these things with me.  Will this be a problem for you?”  DELETE, DAMMIT AND GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE!

I swore of personals by the time I left the island.  When I got back to work in the salon, one of my first clients of the day sat down at my nail table and began to tell me about “this awesome guy named Craig from Tennessee” that she has been seeing.  He sounded too good to be true, but I was happy for her.  I asked her where she met him……..her response?  “On the internet”!  Oh well, I guess Craig must have missed my ad!

His first kiss was the most memorable...

Gary popped up on my potential match list on Millionaire Match.  He was a few years older than me, but very attractive in that distinguished older guy way.  He lived a couple hours away from me, but traveled often to my area so I was open to making contact with him.  He messaged me first, letting me know that I was “incredibly gorgeous” and just his type.  We started emailing back and forth and it wasn’t long before the topics got a little steamy.  Gary had a great way with words, starting off with sweet compliments and building up to some pretty powerful romantic expressions.  I found myself eagerly awaiting his emails with heated anticipation.  He seemed to be sweeping me off my feet with mere words and ideas.   We moved on to phone conversations and the chemistry just got stronger.  His way with words did not falter and he had that sexy, deep, manly voice that made it all the better.  Finally, Gary had a trip scheduled to my town and we made plans to meet face to face for the first time.  Usually, I’m super cool and relaxed before meeting my online dates.  But with Gary, I was full of anxious excitement and nervous energy.  I wondered if the sexual chemistry would be as good in person as it was via email and phone.  We arranged to meet out front of his hotel on a Friday evening.  I arrived before he did, parked my car and walked over to wait in front of the lobby.  My heart was racing and I was totally fidgety.   Gary walked out of the hotel, dressed impeccably with cool sunglasses on and obviously feeling confident.  As he walked up to me,  I smiled and made a move to give him a hug… feeling like we were already beyond the shaking hands level.  Gary took my face in both hands and went straight in for the kiss.  Not a peck, but a long, deep, passionate kiss.  I swear, I almost collapsed at the shock and thrill of it.  He held me strong and we kissed like that for about 30 seconds, which seemed like about 30 minutes.  He finally pulled back, releasing my face, removed his shades and said “Hello Kiki”.  All I could say was “Hi”, standing there with an idiotic grin on my face and not knowing what to do next.  It was a cocky, gutsy, aggressive move and it totally worked.  Thank god Gary was as handsome as I expected.  I suppose if he wasn’t, I might have been put off my the bold move.  Unfortunately, the rest of the date wasn’t as perfect.  I discovered that Gary was a little too arrogant for my taste.  We parted and it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t interest in taking it any further.  I did however, give him a little kiss goodbye… seeing that we had already cleared that level earlier.  I have to say, it was one of the most memorable first date moments of my life.  Still tingly when I think about it… Kiki

He may be younger, but Im no Cougar.

Just because I may occasionally date younger guys does NOT make me a cougar.  UrbanDictionary.com defines a cougar as “A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male”.  First of all, I am not on the hunt for a younger male.  I’m actually more attracted to men my own age or a bit older.  But I find that there are a lot of younger guys who are attracted to me, who contact me via dating websites or hit on me in bars/at the beach/wherever.   It seems to be the cool trendy thing to do now, younger guys going after older women for pure sex and nothing more.  I’m sure that there are women out there that want this kind of situation, but I’m certainly not one of them!  In fact, if it was pure sex that I was after, I would be going for the older guys as they seem to know better how to please a woman and are less selfish in the bedroom.  They also tend to be much more appreciative!   But occasionally I will go out with a guy who is 10+ years younger than me, usually because we have something specific in common and I think that a friendship might be possible.  Or perhaps there is an event I want to attend and just need a fun date, nothing serious.  Whatever the case, I’m never very interested because our life experiences are so completely different.  Ive had a few serious and long-term relationships.  Ive had an extensive professional career.  Ive achieved much success.  Ive traveled the world many times over.  I have a seasoned view of people, places and life in general that younger guys just cant grasp.  Sometimes they call me a MILF (I don’t have kids so this is inaccurate).  Sometimes they call me a Puma (a pre-cougar in her late 20’s to 30’s).  Thank god they never call me a Sabretooth (a woman too old to be a cougar but still tries).   I am just me… single, late 30’s, attractive, funny, smart, level-headed and optimistic.   And still wondering where all of the hot 40-something guys are at… Kiki

Perry was a British guy who immigrated to the US over 10 years ago, building businesses and becoming quite a success.  Perry found me on Yahoo and sent me the sweetest message about how he loved my smile and my zest for life.  I checked out his profile and found him to be quite cute, well traveled and also full of life.   We messaged back and forth for a while, with Perry keeping things light and funny.    He became more and more attractive as I started to discover his great sense of humor.  He joked about his height (5′6) and said that I could  rest my wine glass on his head if I liked.  I replied back that Id require him to hold my purse as well.  He responded that he would only do that if it matched my shoes.  That’s kind of a funny comment coming from a guy.  He then went on and on about fashion choices that women make, including clothing, accessories and hair styles.  We continued emailing and I started to realize that Perry was a very severe Metrosexual.  I told him that I loved camping and that I could go for days just bathing in a stream.  Perry was shocked.  I told him that I went to Supercuts to get my hair trimmed and that I bought the highlighting hair kit from Rite Aid and did it myself at home.  He was appalled.  I told him that I really didn’t care much about trends and labels, that I preferred the messy nature girl style.  Perry tried to respond to that in a nice way, but I could tell that he was definitely from the extreme opposite world of style.    We decided to go ahead and meet for lunch, both of us realizing that the chance for a romantic connection was minimal.  And it was minimal.  Microscopic actually.  Perry had perfect hair, trendy clothes and a man purse!  He told me that he waxed and trimmed.  He drove a Mazda Miata convertible.   He might be the perfect man for some woman, with his impeccable wardrobe and clean cut appearance.  But I prefer my men to be… manly.  I will take wrinkled clothes and body hair over a Metrosexual any day.  Rugged and rough is definitely my type.   So I said goodbye to Perry and went off to search for Grizzly Adams.  Thank god for mountain men… Kiki

Roger was a movie director who had a gorgeous place on the beach, a fabulous house in the hills, a beautiful ex-wife and 2 perfect kids.  He found me on Millionaire Match and said that he was looking for a woman like me, grounded and down to earth.  Someone that wasn’t caught up in all the superficial hype of the movie industry.  Roger was a good looking guy with a super fit body and a very stylish dresser.  We spoke on the phone for weeks until he convinced me to drive 100 miles to meet him for lunch in his town.  Roger came across as a lively, energetic person with never ending enthusiasm for life.  Our phone conversations were full of jokes and laughter, always leaving me with a light, happy feeling when I got off the phone.  I was really excited to meet him and was a bit nervous when I drove up to the swanky sushi restaurant where we planned to meet.  I waited for Roger outside the door and recognized him immediately when he came walking up.  He was dressed in ultra trendy jeans and a fitted shirt, pointy Italian shoes and a leather motorcycle jacket.  He did the European kiss on each cheek thing, something that seems kind of goofy to me, but I imagine the norm in his circle of friends.  We walked in and everyone said hello to Roger, apparently he was pretty well known in this place.   We sat down and Roger jumped right in with questions, exuding a bubbly charm.  As we were talking, three different young men stopped by ourtable to say hello to Roger.  This wasn’t unusual, but what  seemed strange was the way that they touched him and the way that he touched them back.  Hands on the back of the neck, arm around the lower back, squeezing a shoulder or a hip.  Very touchy feely, not how I was used to seeing men interact with each other.  But I chalked it up to the movie industry people, that’s just how they are I guessed.  But my perception of Roger began to change as I started paying attention to his body language.  I started noticing how effeminate his gestures were, very flowy hand movements and cutesy head tilts.  And the high pitched tone of his voice and the sing-song pattern of his words.  Then Roger began to tell me about the “women in this town”.  How there just weren’t any women that he was interested in.  How they all just repulsed him.  How he could barely stand to look at any of them any more.  I asked him how it was for him to look a me.  I really didn’t feel like I looked any different than these women around the room.  But Roger said that I looked more natural, more simple, more earthy.  Earthy?  What was that supposed to mean?  I was starting to feel like Roger saw me as some sort of ”butch” chick, perhaps the female version of the guy that he was really attracted to.  I was now totally confused.   We wrapped up lunch and Roger asked if I wanted to take a stroll before I got back into my car.  The final sign for me was when Roger rested his hand on the inside of my arm as we began to walk.  He was taking the role of the woman!  I let him keep his hand there, my arm bent to lead him around on our stroll.  It was the oddest thing.  Not once did he try to place his hand on my back or my neck or anywhere else remotely manly.  We made a circle back to my car and I thanked Roger for lunch.  He did the “”kiss-kiss” thing again and invited me to come back anytime.  I got in my car and drove home, shaking my head the entire time.  Still totally bewildered.  I have told this story to all my friends and most think that he might not be the straightest arrow in the quiver.  I’m still curious though.  Do you think he might be gay???  Perpetually perplexed… Kiki

Nobody wants to look at photos of your ex-girlfriend

One of my blog readers sent me a link to this man’s profile.  It is the perfect example of what NOT to do when writing your bio for a dating website.  I am by no means putting down or poking fun at this gentleman, but he evidently did not follow my advice on the previous post about how to write a great profile.  Read, sympathize and learn… Kiki

“you no life is funny i push my self so hard in life thinking that matteral things where important i had three house a a forty foot boat on the river with a nice ski boat i had the life of a rock star i help out everyone from my friends to the homeless only to find out the homeless dont steal from you but your friends do you will find that when you have a lot of money you dont have any true friends just a bunct of users and thiefs life becomes very lonely all i wont is some tolay next to at night and to hold me for me and not my money money buys you a lot of stuff but it wont buy you happyness or a family ive never been married but have been ask at least twelve times but i just wasnt ready and i was a work aolic ended up getting so depresed ended up in the hospital twice for over dose being alone is the most depressing thing in life just to hold some one at night its not about the sex i can go out every night and get laid its about the capanenship ship and thought of coming home to some one you can trust and be with it is a very rear thing in life to find that speical someone well i could go on and on if you have any question normal ones not big is your pennis or what can you do for me to make me feal like a woman taht all comes in time i will never lie to you you might not like the answer but at least its the truth and i wont look like a jackass when you catch me in a lie ask away am i the man for you or just another **stard you be the judge and ill see you in are dreams”

Men and women are asking me all the time about how to write a personal profile that will get good response.  Since I have posted my profile on over 20 dating sites, I have learned what works and what doesn’t.  What works is this:

1.  Post multiple recent photos that show your diverse interests and activities.  Try to include photos where you are looking happy and having fun!  Do NOT post photos with your ex’s in them.

2. List your REAL hobbies and interests, not just what you think people want to read. 

3. List your BEST personality traits and characteristics, the way your best friends and family would describe you.

4. List the personality traits and characteristics of your IDEAL mate.  

5.  Keep it all on the positive side.  Do not include anything at all that comes across as negative, angry or desperate.

6.  Keep it short and straight to the point.  Most people will look at your photos first and then briefly read your bio and stats, probably for less than a minute.

7.  ALWAYS use humor in your profile.  You want the reader to be smiling and laughing.  This is truly your first impression and you want them to feel good about it. 

8.  Be honest in your stats (appearance, marital status, kids, income, etc).  One small lie will label you as dishonest across the board.  If you have any intention of actually meeting someone through online dating, be truthful so that you don’t look like an ass when you get caught in a lie.

9. Set yourself apart from the millions of other profiles.  Include unusual and interesting facts about yourself (exotic travels, special talents, interesting achievements).

10.  Keep it fresh.  Make changes to your profile and photo periodically.  Most sites will notify members that you have updated your profile and it keeps you in the spotlight.

Bonus Tip:  Use Spellcheck!

Happy Hunting… Kiki

When I first started using the internet to date, I was solidly opposed to web camera chatting.  I read all of the lurid stories about cyber sex and “web cam girls” who stripped or pranced around naked in front of their web cams to lure in sleazy men.  I wanted none of that dirty business.  But after I had exhausted all of my local dating prospects and started to look outside of my geographical region for dating possibilities, I quickly changed my mind about using a web cam for chatting.  When men from other areas started contacting me, I needed a way to get to know them well enough to make it worth while for either of us to make the trip to meet.   Emailing, instant messaging and texting can only get you so far in getting to know someone.   The photos sent may not really represent the person’s current appearance (this fact I have learned the hard way).  Even phone calls don’t come close to simulating a real meeting.  But the web cam chat is a pretty good substitute for a first date when meeting for coffee is just not possible.  You can see your date, you can see their facial expressions and body language, how they react to your words… things that you cant see on a phone call.  You can hear their voice, the subtleties and tones that just don’t come across on an email or instant message.  And you can see and hear it all at once.  Ive now had numerous “cyber coffee dates” with men who  live far away.  Its been a great  tool for weeding out the ones who misrepresent themselves in their profiles.  Ive found that many are not willing to go on camera, something that tells me that they are probably not who they claim to be.   So now I’m a “web cam girl” but not in the tawdry, illicit manner that I used to imagine defined that phrase.   I’m the squeaky clean version.  I say use whatever you can to streamline your internet dating process.  Kiki

Fun with Fireman Fred

Well… Fred is still only a friend.  We had a great time camping together but there was absolutely no romance.  It could have been because I was giving off the “Lets be buddies” vibe.  Or maybe I subconsciously sabotaged the romance by showing up with hairy legs and burping out loud a few times.  Whatever the reason, we started as friends and we ended as friends and I’m completely happy with that result.  Its rare that I can find a guy who is willing and content to be just friends.  So I feel lucky to have Fred.  Plus he aced his interview and will probably be moving out of state anyway.  I think its all meant to be.  Pulling the twigs from my hair… Kiki